10 rules to a successful relationship

We started dating on 6th july 2002. Got married on 09 Sept 2009. As of now, we've been dating for 9 years and married for 2. I see the dating part as a part to iron out the creases of a relationship. Its common to have quarrels and fights all the time as 2 people try to unite and get to know more of each other.

Most people get together due to the fact that they find a lot of common views in each other. Be it in thoughts, in hobbies, in life. As you try to understand each other, the more you realize that you're different. I see the differences as an introduction to widening your view on life. Too many times people get too comfortable in relationships that they get lazy to continue working on it. But a relationship is a continuing process. You can't stop working on it. The day you stop working on it, is the start of your love dying off.

We've come to the stage where while we still have our differences, we hardly quarrel anymore. I don't remember the last time we had a big shouting match or argument. But each and everyday has been filled with love and happiness found in our company. Different relationships require different work. But here are my own rules to maintain mine.

While this is written with a female's point of view. I believe a male can do the same too.

Ten rules to a successful relationship:

1) Hugs & Kisses
I don't mean full on, wet, saliva dripping, tongue - action kissing. I mean a peck on the lips before you leave for work, or before you leave to go out with your friends, when you wake up, before you sleep, and any other time you feel like doing it. Its a small action that only requires a second to do, but it does bring warmth to the heart, and it does feed the love growing in you. But one thing to note, do it even if you both are on a cold war. DO NOT DEPRIVE EACH OTHER OF A KISS EVEN IF YOU'RE FIGHTING. Many times, a hug and a kiss has done lots to extinguish the fire burning in our bellies when we've been quarreling, and we're able to sit down and talk things out, rather than shout at the top of our lungs.

2) Cook when you can.
They say, "Food is the way to a man's heart." Its TRUE! There's no denying that we find comfort in food. Food brings sweet memories of family, home, and love. When you put love and care in the preparation of your food, you can taste it in every mouthful! You'll be looking forward to having home cooked food every time, rather than going out distracting yourselves with friends and the public, thus having less time for each other.

3) Clear the housework.
When bills are paid, and the house is clean and neat, it means there's nothing much on the lists of to-do, other than the ones that you both really want to do together. Again, this gives time for enjoyment together, thus feeding the love!

4) Invest in activities you can do together
If you find that you have similar interests, invest on it! Say, both of you enjoy playing games. Get a XBox 360, and buy the games that you both would enjoy playing together. This keeps both of you home, and spending time with each other. If you enjoy watching drama series/movies, get the best TV you can afford, a sound system, a super comfortable love seat sofa, and a media player. Its an investment to keep you both home, and spending time together, without boring the hell out of each other.

5) Listen, Talk. Action!
There's a time to listen, and a time to talk. Listen to each other's needs and wants. Talk about your differences, and weigh out the pros and cons and make those decisions together. When you're a couple, and you seek each other for opinions, you show respect to each other, and to come to a compromise. Nobody should be "higher" than the other.

6) Love his family/friends as your own.
 There's nothing more important to a man than his family and his friends. Don't degrade or disrespect any of them. Love and care for them as if they are your own, and he'll treat you as his treasure. And I don't mean to fake it out. People do feel it. Open your heart and learn to accept them with real love.


7) Put him as your top priority in your life. 
When you give more, you take more. When you put him as the king of your palace, and he feels like that prince, trust me, he will return the favor. People need constant reassurances to know that they're being loved, and that we're there for them all the time. This does means some sacrifices in your lifestyles, but trust me, small sacrifices to have a loving relationship for life, is totally worth it.

 8) Sex & Seduction. (for the married couples only)
There's a reason why every men's survey shows they ideally want sex 3 times a week! BECAUSE THEY ARE NOT GETTING IT! Pleasure is an addiction, and no one should be denied of it. Humans are made this way to reproduce. Sex is not dirty, neither is seducing your man. If you're not enjoying making love, find out why? Try to find ways to get turned on. Find out what rocks your world, what makes your mind spin, and what makes you want more. If you need toys or props to get turned on, GET THEM! Getting a vibrator does not make you a slut, you just happen know what you want. Men will work hardest to make sure their woman enjoy it as much as them. Trust me, its turns them on much more when the woman they are in bed with, climax and are having as much fun as they are. Seduce them, make them feel wanted, and show much much you crave for their attention. Don't worry about the flaws on your body, that will be the last thing they notice when they see you getting your SEXY on.

9) Give him his space, and get your own.
 There's bound to be some things that each of you enjoy doing but not the other. Take some time off to indulge in your own stuff, while he does his "things". My husband enjoys snowboarding in winter, and gaming on his PC/Xbox. I take the time when he is away to do what I like. Play with my gadgets and stuff.. Sometimes he has to go away on his work attachments. And these trips could take almost a month. I used to not be able to handle being alone, since we've lived together for all the time we've been together. But over time, I've started to enjoy time off for myself, and doing things I enjoy, like baking, reading, and photography.

10) Never belittle each other.
"Do not do onto others, what you would not do onto yourselves." Respect each other as you would want people to respect you. Don't call each other degrading terms. Be encouraging. Be open to ideas, and push away any negative thoughts you have of each other. Support each other. Even if you think his ideas are not going to work, give it a try, because you never know!

With that said, love is always growing. And like every growth, you need to feed it. Keep on feeding the love, keep on feeling the LOVE. 

Men are hardest to please!

They say the best way to a man's heart, is through his stomach. I followed that, and learned how to cook. Just when I thought I've reached his heart, and wanted to do what I enjoy most, baking, he hit me with another.

"You shouldn't start trying other things till you can cook well!" 

"I've been feeding u everyday with homecooked food for the last nine months, is it still that bad?"

"No, its good! But you should practice till you can see a piece of meat and have a list of things you can do with it!"

I mean like seriously? My husband is really getting picky! Not only is he expecting more out of me now, he's picky with his food! I let him tell me what he craves for everytime, so I get challenged to do some new recipes from time to time. While surfing other food blogs, I jot down what I want to try too. I feel that in some way, cooking/baking challenges my mind to try something new all the time, and I truly enjoy it.

But from someone who can't even cook a proper instant noodle, to my current daily cooking spree, to being able to cook a full 4 -5 course meal, its not easy! I came to USA not knowing how to cook, both our parents were so worried for the both of us, worried that I won't be able to feed the both of us, or that we had to stick to microwave foods all the time, which is totally unhealthy. Look where I've progressed to!

I occasionally buy the food magazine to get some new inspirations for recipes or holiday cooking, and my husband happily flips through the magazines during his toilet breaks, screams my name, and goes, "Here got recipe for clam chowder leh! Fresh one somemore!" flips a few more pages, "Dear, maybe we should do our own lasagne, eh, here got __________ , I never try before." 

Its like those are not subtle hints! He's name dropping the dishes he wants to me to cook for him! I like the challenges he throws at me, cuz its been pushing me to get better at cooking. But, hey, who said that men are easy to please?

My husband likes it when I make so called restaurant food at home, although not as high quality as those in restaurants, but being able to taste and knowing its made with love from his dear wife, he'll just happily gobble it all down, and ask for seconds. Followed by, "Dear, I saw today so and so bring _________ to work leh! Maybe we can try to do at home!"

With that, I got a whole list of food ideas of what to cook for him in the days ahead, and at the same time, a feast to prepare in the upcoming Thanksgiving holiday. I have a husband who likes to try, and if its good, he wants to SHARE with his friends, means doing it all up again, so he can bring it to work for his pals. Luckily, I'm still enjoying my time in the kitchen, with all the experimenting to do, I'm happy to have all the guinea pigs to test for me.

Are your men like these too?

To give love, is to receive love.

The soft buzzing sound of an engine came closer, as I heard it turn into our driveway, forwarding, then reversing. I waited. The doors opened, and closed. BEEP! That familiar alarm, that I wait for daily. It means the Hubs home! Without the beep, I wouldn't go to the door. I've done that before, opening, only to realise its the neighbour. I have trained my ears so well, that I recognise the sound so clearly, its almost no mistake. I know when its him, and I know when its friends.

Its my daily routine that when I hear that, I'll go to the door, and jump on him with a big hug and smile. Its a sign of "Welcome HOME!". We've always wanted our own place, and that place has to feel good, to want to hang out in it. I've tried my best to make our home, like home, in the sense of food, comfort and love. But I'm still a messy and lazy person inside, so my place is still quite a mess, but I'm still trying.

Today was no different, except that, the beep came a little later than it should. I was looking around for my slippers that were stuck under my sofa. As I grabbed them, he had already opened the door.

"Dearie??!?!", echoed in a soft-tone.
"Ya?" I shouted back.
"Where are you?", while taking of his work boots.
"Hold on! I'm putting on my bedroom slippers, coming right now!", I popped out in front of him.
His face looked concerned, and not too happy as he stood up from removing his boots. He came over and scooped me into his arms.
"Hey baby, I missed you, why so late?", I asked, surprised at his reaction, since he's not usually so full of affection.
"I'm sorry."
"Why? What happened?" thinking that something must have happened at work.
He scooped me in another big bear hug. "I'm sorry that I shouted at you today."

Tears welled up in my eyes, as I tried to hold it back. I took the fight earlier, as that we both had a moment of frustration, and I didn't want to go back to it anymore. I did have a short burst of tears while we were fighting outside, but I held back and continued with my day as though nothing happened. I treated him with as much love as I usually did. And we joked, and chatted, as per like any other happy day.

My grip around him tightened. As my emotions came upon me. We are both Aries, temperamental and stubborn in our own way. When something happens, we usually fight over it, get angry, quarrel, sleep and forget about it. The next day, always becomes like any other day, cheerful and great, as long as I get a good sleep the night before. This time, it seems, he went to work, and thought about what happened today. It seems he thought about my feelings. It seems he thought about me at work. I felt loved.

"I love you.", I whispered, not releasing my grip.
"Love you too.", as he kissed me on my cheek.
"Love you much more!!!", I teased, with a kiss on his lips.

As he went about his nightly routine, my eyes followed him around with much love and respect. I've been telling myself, "To give love, is to receive love. The more you give, the more you receive."

Today it paid back. It felt good. The warm fuzzy feeling I had in my heart, as I cuddled with him to sleep. Love, and loved.

Our 1st Anniversary Dinner

Its hard to find a place to eat here, there's no place here that excites my taste buds, neither are there any places that spells romantic. The best foods around here, are the fast food restaurants. On days I don't cook, and we stay in MH, I'd rather just grab a Mushroom & Swiss from McD.

Since our anniversary fell on a weekday, and my hubs is working morning shift. I decided to prepare a "surprise" romantic dinner in our own home for him. So he can just come back from work, bath, eat, have some wine, and laze on the couch with me. Perfect isn't it?

The menu of the day:
-Potato Salad topped with raisins.
-Filet Mignon with sauce
-Strawberry Cheesecake

All paired with Parma Ridge Sweet Blush Wine 2005.

I have no idea how to put romance in our dining area, based on the fact that the weather has been cold, and walking to buy decorations and carrying them back is not gonna be an easy task. I used what I had on hand.

The plastic wine glasses are from Dollar Tree's Valentines Day sales. I did up the potato salad in the early afternoon, and left it in the fridge to chill. Next, I prepared the sauce for the filet mignons. I had no idea how to prepare it, as the commiss had ran out of red wine, which was what I intended to use initially. I searched for some recipes online, but decided to replace the red wine with shaoxing rice wine, and added a little sugar instead. 

Here's how I set it up. I even wiped the dripped sauce off the plates. Must be watching too much Gordon Ramsay's shows. Sigh. 

I warmed up the sauce that I prepared, and drizzled it over the filets, and topped it with lots of onions. The sauce was fantastic. I loved it. Hubs raved about it. He said it was the happiest day ever since we got married. ;)  

I thought we could have a good sit down dinner, and talk and romance over dinner and wine. However, the meat was still quite raw in the center. The recipe recommended to cook the meats for 6 mins on each side, which I followed to the second, for medium rare meats that the Hubs liked. However, it turned out to be too raw. Had to run back and forth the kitchen to refire the meats to make them slightly less red and more edible. I would reccomend to cook them for around 12 minutes on each side and that should make it more edible. 

Candlelights, and wine.. What more could I ask for in a romantic dinner at home, for less than $20. ;) 

Happy Anniversary Hubs, love u always. Recipes on how to prepare the food step by step... Coming up next!

I love you. 1 year of marriage.

It only seems like yesterday that we were standing in the little white hut by Keppel Club saying our vows, and I dos. I held back my tears as you put the ring on me, knowing that we're gonna have each other till death do us part. We have had many ups and downs in our relationship, our journey to getting married, and our moving here.

We were hesitant, somewhat afraid, at the thought of being here alone, of being unable to cope, never having lived on our own before, the fear of managing everything on ourselves were huge. Yet we've overcome it, and came so far. The combination of you and me, leaves us no fear. We have fought, and quarreled, shouted hurtful things to one another, argued our insecurities, and at the same time, letting one another know our fears. Each unhappy episode led to tears, and sadness, not forgetting the hurt we feel inside. But each time, allowing us to know one another better, building our relationship, as it gets stronger every day.

Every day we are together, we learn about one another. We stay strong together, because we never stop working on our relationship to stay together. Thank you for being the man of my house. Thank you for supporting me through my successes and failures. Thank you for looking after me all these times. Thank you for working hard to bring the dough back so I have no other worries, than to do my best to look after our home, and focus on what I should. Thank you for thinking for me all the time. Thank you for bringing me on all our travels and planning for future ones. We will hit our goal to travel around the world one day. Together we'll make that journey happen.

So many words to describe how I feel for you, but you should know it by now. 8 years dating, 1 year of marriage. Every moment with you is a celebration. I love you.

Happy 1st Year Anniversary of Marriage.
Aaron & Natx 09/09/09.

With many more to come. ;)

What to expect from this blog?

I've been reflecting on myself, since we came to the US, I've made alot of changes to myself, my lifestyle, my interests, my character.

What I never used to do, never used to take note of, never spared a thought on, has currently taken over me, and I've been working on all of them constantly.

I'm currently a housewife, moved to USA with my husband, and will be here for 2 more years. We have no kids yet, and with so much time currently in my hands, I was able to explore different interests and learn new stuff.

Currently I'm into:
-Trading -  Thanks to Dad.

I've been into it for sometime now.  Its the most challenging and difficult to learn, yet, its also the most rewarding. I own alot of books on trading, and as I read and improve on my own skills, I hope to be able to share them on this blog too.

-Cooking & Baking - Thanks to hubby.

As a housewife, having my hubby to be out working hard all day, in a place with 4 seasons. Seeing my husband going to work everyday and taking a beating from the weather, while freezing in winter, and sunburnt in summer, has made me want to reward him every single day that I'm able to. I guess food is the #1 way to reward a tired man. I wanted to be able to cook with love, and fill his stomach with food that we miss from back home. Of cuz, food is also the key to a man's heart. ;) As Asians living in the USA, we're not able to get Singapore food as easily as back home, and I have been studying recipes and trial-ing and erroring both our mummy's recipes, & if u're keen on learning how those hawker food were cooked, or if u're like me, living abroad, and want to learn how to please your tastebuds, the recipes with photos will be coming up soon!

-Traveling - Thanks to my parents & my husband

Since young, my parents always used my grades as a gauge to where I would go on my holiday. The more 'A's I got, the higher the budget for my holiday. It got me excited about scoring well, to get out to have fun. Traveling was always exciting, you get to see different culture, different living standards, you actually experience alot and grow from there. While hubs and me were dating, we travelled a little bit to nearby countries and each experience was different. We enjoyed exploring different places together, and till now, we're still doing that. Its evident in our road trips to our nearby states. And we've only been here for half a year. I can only imagine more travelling to come our way.

-Photography. This is really thanks to Glen.

I used to be crazy about photos and I always believed photos are the best memories of special moments in life. I've kept most of our dating photos since 8 years ago till now, and we're still adding on to our collection. Since young, I've always loved what Mother Nature has to offer us, and I love beautiful scenery and animals, and insects and all the living things in this world. I would take photos of them with my cheapo compact cameras and never thought of going for higher end cameras for fear of not having the knowledge to use them. Thanks to Glen, his passion, and him sharing his knowledge with me, pushed me to get myself a Lumix FZ-35, a super zoom, that hopefully will allow me to take great pics of landscape and nature, for me to share with u guys.

Fitness - Thanks to USA, for having such high elevations compared to Singapore, and causing my chest pains.

I first started exercising in winter, to keep myself warm, cuz I needed to sweat. 2ndly, when we first drove down to Utah. where the elevation was higher, and it was winter, I had trouble walking to our car in the car park. I had terrible chest pains and I was breathless from just walking. I had to hold on to hubs to stable myself. Since then, I've pushed myself, telling myself I don't want to go back there, and I want to enjoy this journey with hubs as far as we can.

-Marriage, Love, & relationships - Thanks to hubs and people around me.

You can still call me a newly-wed (at least that's how I feel!), even though I'm almost approaching my 1 year anniversary. I enjoy reading self improvement books, and I believe in making changes to improve oneself. Therefore, you can expect alot of self reflection, and alot of thoughts on life. Jotting out my thoughts and thinking through them allows me to reflect on myself, and thus, improve myself to become a better person to my hubby, my family, buddies, and the people around me.  You'll get tips on being a loving wife, housework short cuts, and much more!

I love sharing, and I love jotting the little bits of info every now and then, so that I can come back to them in the future and go thru them again.

Would you enjoy these topics? Or am I too boring for u? What would u like to see posted here?

What makes the perfect wife?

Since the day we got married, I've been constantly questioning myself this. What makes the perfect wife? If I did that, would that make me a better wife? If I did this, would he love me more? If I do this everyday for him, would it improve our relationship, and give us more time to spend together? I've been at this for months on end. We've been married for 7 months now. And I'm still trying at it, improving and trying to get better. I've come to the stage where I could practically breeze thru making breakfast for him every morning, packing his lunchboxes, planning a meal just by opening a fridge.

Household chores? Dishwashing, toilet cleaning, laundry, they no longer challenge me. Probably a couple of years back, i was totally clueless about anything household. I was never one who helped out in household stuff. Well, not until I started dating him, and tried to impress his family with my helpfulness. Throughout staying with his family for the last 7 years, I've come to learn some house cleaning, and stuff. But not much since they got a maid in the house to look after Alfie, the family dog.


While i used to think that trying to impress the in laws were already a challenge to me, nothing beats having your own house with him alone. Nothing beats, him working all day, leaving you alone at home to deal with the house. One on one. Nothing beats having no maids here to clean for you. Everything is DIY. Nothing beats coming home hungry, and still having to cook for yourselves. Nothing beats having a husband to come home nagging at you for not cleaning well. But hey! Was i brought here to clean up after you? Was I brought here to look after your house, so you didn't have to? The singles are doing the same job as you, and they manage their house well too. So why can't you?

Then again, it dawned on me. The ideal wife of Singaporean men, or maybe every men. They just want a wife to look after them, to do things for them. They want to come home, to a place they can call home, feel home, smell home. A single friend told me that he could very well live on his own and do things on his own, and why is it my husband seem to depend on me so much? Wasn't women meant to be pampered?

Women ARE meant to be pampered, as much as men liked being pampered. In my situation now though, the MAN is bringing home the dough. And me, being home all day, gets the duties of a housewife. I overlook the whole house.

I can tell you, the standard that men set for their home, is not at all low. They tend to want their own home, very much to the standard their parents had when in their own home, without the things they hated whilst living in their parent's house. And this keeps continuing. Each one, getting more perfectionist than the previous. It really comes to a point where the wives breakdown, the hard work doesn't seem to pay off as the constant nagging still hits. Quarrels arise.. Relationship problems arise. Men find the woman no longer satisfy the criteria of being a wife, and goes out to find someone better. Divorce hits. And the cycle continues.

When does this ever come to an end? I am probably at the stage whereby, I'm still happily married. I still enjoy everyday with love from him. We're a happy couple. But the nagging doesn't stop.. And I'm trying my hardest to maintain this house. Its been 4 months we're here. Its been 3 months in this house. I admit there are some stuff I should have done earlier, but I've been lazy. We had an argument today.

I have been thinking about adopting a pet dog for long time now. From being in Singapore till now. I've kept all kinds of animals before. Rabbits, rats, hamsters, tortoises, guinea pigs, chickens. You name it I've had it. I loved the idea of giving love to an animal who deserved it but never had it before. For most of my pets, they're adopted. Injured, unloved, uncared for. I wanted a dog since young, but my parents never liked the idea. So now that we got our home, we've finally settled down in this country so far away from "home", i thought we would be ready for a new addition to our house.

Apparently, he thought we weren't ready. He said we're still too lazy to clean up after ourselves. The house is still not in the condition he expects it to be. That we still have alot of improvements to make. In terms of financially and household. That if our lifestyles improved, and become more settled in, that if the house remains clean and everything is in order to his liking, we could consider getting a pet. I took it personal. It was as though telling me, I haven't been doing a good job as a housewife. So really, what makes the perfect wife?

I have been thinking it through. After the conversation, I was really down. I didn't know how then I could make him happy. What else i need to do to make him happy? Everyday i try my best. I sleep an hour later to make sure his lunch box is all ready for the next work day. I wake up earlier to make breakfast for him so he could fill his stomach to go work and do his best. I do the laundry, clean the dishes, stoves, toilets, prepare the meals, so he could come home happy and play his games so he doesn't have to do anything.

Probably I wasn't organized enough. Maybe that's what that's making me feel hectic everyday trying to catch up with the household chores and maintaining the house. He went to bed early, and i've spent the time trying to search how to organize myself such that my days are not hectic but the home is in order. I needed badly to declutter my life, to set myself in order, to organize it such that I can do everything, and still stay sane.

I've learnt to do up a household organiser file. And that's what i've set myself up to do tomorrow. I will wake up do my chores, and plan my daily, weekly, and monthly to do. I will do my menu planning, my chores planning, and grocery shopping. I will do up my household organiser, and do my goal setting, holiday planning. And hopefully in time to come, everything can come into place, and I will gain back his trust, that I'm the best choice he ever made for himself. I love him and I truly do. And I will not let little things like this, tear me apart or spoil the wonderful relationship we have built between ourselves.

Maybe, and hopefully till then, I will be able to adopt our buddy dog, and in time to come, have a little baby in addition to our family.