Thursday, April 15, 2010

What makes the perfect wife?

Since the day we got married, I've been constantly questioning myself this. What makes the perfect wife? If I did that, would that make me a better wife? If I did this, would he love me more? If I do this everyday for him, would it improve our relationship, and give us more time to spend together? I've been at this for months on end. We've been married for 7 months now. And I'm still trying at it, improving and trying to get better. I've come to the stage where I could practically breeze thru making breakfast for him every morning, packing his lunchboxes, planning a meal just by opening a fridge.

Household chores? Dishwashing, toilet cleaning, laundry, they no longer challenge me. Probably a couple of years back, i was totally clueless about anything household. I was never one who helped out in household stuff. Well, not until I started dating him, and tried to impress his family with my helpfulness. Throughout staying with his family for the last 7 years, I've come to learn some house cleaning, and stuff. But not much since they got a maid in the house to look after Alfie, the family dog.

While i used to think that trying to impress the in laws were already a challenge to me, nothing beats having your own house with him alone. Nothing beats, him working all day, leaving you alone at home to deal with the house. One on one. Nothing beats having no maids here to clean for you. Everything is DIY. Nothing beats coming home hungry, and still having to cook for yourselves. Nothing beats having a husband to come home nagging at you for not cleaning well. But hey! Was i brought here to clean up after you? Was I brought here to look after your house, so you didn't have to? The singles are doing the same job as you, and they manage their house well too. So why can't you?

Then again, it dawned on me. The ideal wife of Singaporean men, or maybe every men. They just want a wife to look after them, to do things for them. They want to come home, to a place they can call home, feel home, smell home. A single friend told me that he could very well live on his own and do things on his own, and why is it my husband seem to depend on me so much? Wasn't women meant to be pampered?

Women ARE meant to be pampered, as much as men liked being pampered. In my situation now though, the MAN is bringing home the dough. And me, being home all day, gets the duties of a housewife. I overlook the whole house.

I can tell you, the standard that men set for their home, is not at all low. They tend to want their own home, very much to the standard their parents had when in their own home, without the things they hated whilst living in their parent's house. And this keeps continuing. Each one, getting more perfectionist than the previous. It really comes to a point where the wives breakdown, the hard work doesn't seem to pay off as the constant nagging still hits. Quarrels arise.. Relationship problems arise. Men find the woman no longer satisfy the criteria of being a wife, and goes out to find someone better. Divorce hits. And the cycle continues.

When does this ever come to an end? I am probably at the stage whereby, I'm still happily married. I still enjoy everyday with love from him. We're a happy couple. But the nagging doesn't stop.. And I'm trying my hardest to maintain this house. Its been 4 months we're here. Its been 3 months in this house. I admit there are some stuff I should have done earlier, but I've been lazy. We had an argument today.

I have been thinking about adopting a pet dog for long time now. From being in Singapore till now. I've kept all kinds of animals before. Rabbits, rats, hamsters, tortoises, guinea pigs, chickens. You name it I've had it. I loved the idea of giving love to an animal who deserved it but never had it before. For most of my pets, they're adopted. Injured, unloved, uncared for. I wanted a dog since young, but my parents never liked the idea. So now that we got our home, we've finally settled down in this country so far away from "home", i thought we would be ready for a new addition to our house.

Apparently, he thought we weren't ready. He said we're still too lazy to clean up after ourselves. The house is still not in the condition he expects it to be. That we still have alot of improvements to make. In terms of financially and household. That if our lifestyles improved, and become more settled in, that if the house remains clean and everything is in order to his liking, we could consider getting a pet. I took it personal. It was as though telling me, I haven't been doing a good job as a housewife. So really, what makes the perfect wife?

I have been thinking it through. After the conversation, I was really down. I didn't know how then I could make him happy. What else i need to do to make him happy? Everyday i try my best. I sleep an hour later to make sure his lunch box is all ready for the next work day. I wake up earlier to make breakfast for him so he could fill his stomach to go work and do his best. I do the laundry, clean the dishes, stoves, toilets, prepare the meals, so he could come home happy and play his games so he doesn't have to do anything.

Probably I wasn't organized enough. Maybe that's what that's making me feel hectic everyday trying to catch up with the household chores and maintaining the house. He went to bed early, and i've spent the time trying to search how to organize myself such that my days are not hectic but the home is in order. I needed badly to declutter my life, to set myself in order, to organize it such that I can do everything, and still stay sane.

I've learnt to do up a household organiser file. And that's what i've set myself up to do tomorrow. I will wake up do my chores, and plan my daily, weekly, and monthly to do. I will do my menu planning, my chores planning, and grocery shopping. I will do up my household organiser, and do my goal setting, holiday planning. And hopefully in time to come, everything can come into place, and I will gain back his trust, that I'm the best choice he ever made for himself. I love him and I truly do. And I will not let little things like this, tear me apart or spoil the wonderful relationship we have built between ourselves.

Maybe, and hopefully till then, I will be able to adopt our buddy dog, and in time to come, have a little baby in addition to our family.

1 comment:

  1. the definition of perfect might defer depending on which men.. if a man wants his wife to be a housewife, she is perfect to him.. but when a man wants his wife to be outing and earn for the money as well, she is perfect to him also..

    so.. it depends on the husband on defining his perfect wife.. =)