We started dating on 6th july 2002. Got married on 09 Sept 2009. As of now, we've been dating for 9 years and married for 2. I see the dating part as a part to iron out the creases of a relationship. Its common to have quarrels and fights all the time as 2 people try to unite and get to know more of each other.
Most people get together due to the fact that they find a lot of common views in each other. Be it in thoughts, in hobbies, in life. As you try to understand each other, the more you realize that you're different. I see the differences as an introduction to widening your view on life. Too many times people get too comfortable in relationships that they get lazy to continue working on it. But a relationship is a continuing process. You can't stop working on it. The day you stop working on it, is the start of your love dying off.
We've come to the stage where while we still have our differences, we hardly quarrel anymore. I don't remember the last time we had a big shouting match or argument. But each and everyday has been filled with love and happiness found in our company. Different relationships require different work. But here are my own rules to maintain mine.
While this is written with a female's point of view. I believe a male can do the same too.
Ten rules to a successful relationship:
1) Hugs & Kisses
I don't mean full on, wet, saliva dripping, tongue - action kissing. I mean a peck on the lips before you leave for work, or before you leave to go out with your friends, when you wake up, before you sleep, and any other time you feel like doing it. Its a small action that only requires a second to do, but it does bring warmth to the heart, and it does feed the love growing in you. But one thing to note, do it even if you both are on a cold war. DO NOT DEPRIVE EACH OTHER OF A KISS EVEN IF YOU'RE FIGHTING. Many times, a hug and a kiss has done lots to extinguish the fire burning in our bellies when we've been quarreling, and we're able to sit down and talk things out, rather than shout at the top of our lungs.
2) Cook when you can.
They say, "Food is the way to a man's heart." Its TRUE! There's no denying that we find comfort in food. Food brings sweet memories of family, home, and love. When you put love and care in the preparation of your food, you can taste it in every mouthful! You'll be looking forward to having home cooked food every time, rather than going out distracting yourselves with friends and the public, thus having less time for each other.
3) Clear the housework.
When bills are paid, and the house is clean and neat, it means there's nothing much on the lists of to-do, other than the ones that you both really want to do together. Again, this gives time for enjoyment together, thus feeding the love!
4) Invest in activities you can do together
If you find that you have similar interests, invest on it! Say, both of you enjoy playing games. Get a XBox 360, and buy the games that you both would enjoy playing together. This keeps both of you home, and spending time with each other. If you enjoy watching drama series/movies, get the best TV you can afford, a sound system, a super comfortable love seat sofa, and a media player. Its an investment to keep you both home, and spending time together, without boring the hell out of each other.
5) Listen, Talk. Action!
There's a time to listen, and a time to talk. Listen to each other's needs and wants. Talk about your differences, and weigh out the pros and cons and make those decisions together. When you're a couple, and you seek each other for opinions, you show respect to each other, and to come to a compromise. Nobody should be "higher" than the other.
6) Love his family/friends as your own.
There's nothing more important to a man than his family and his friends. Don't degrade or disrespect any of them. Love and care for them as if they are your own, and he'll treat you as his treasure. And I don't mean to fake it out. People do feel it. Open your heart and learn to accept them with real love.
7) Put him as your top priority in your life.
When you give more, you take more. When you put him as the king of your palace, and he feels like that prince, trust me, he will return the favor. People need constant reassurances to know that they're being loved, and that we're there for them all the time. This does means some sacrifices in your lifestyles, but trust me, small sacrifices to have a loving relationship for life, is totally worth it.
8) Sex & Seduction. (for the married couples only)
There's a reason why every men's survey shows they ideally want sex 3 times a week! BECAUSE THEY ARE NOT GETTING IT! Pleasure is an addiction, and no one should be denied of it. Humans are made this way to reproduce. Sex is not dirty, neither is seducing your man. If you're not enjoying making love, find out why? Try to find ways to get turned on. Find out what rocks your world, what makes your mind spin, and what makes you want more. If you need toys or props to get turned on, GET THEM! Getting a vibrator does not make you a slut, you just happen know what you want. Men will work hardest to make sure their woman enjoy it as much as them. Trust me, its turns them on much more when the woman they are in bed with, climax and are having as much fun as they are. Seduce them, make them feel wanted, and show much much you crave for their attention. Don't worry about the flaws on your body, that will be the last thing they notice when they see you getting your SEXY on.
9) Give him his space, and get your own.
There's bound to be some things that each of you enjoy doing but not the other. Take some time off to indulge in your own stuff, while he does his "things". My husband enjoys snowboarding in winter, and gaming on his PC/Xbox. I take the time when he is away to do what I like. Play with my gadgets and stuff.. Sometimes he has to go away on his work attachments. And these trips could take almost a month. I used to not be able to handle being alone, since we've lived together for all the time we've been together. But over time, I've started to enjoy time off for myself, and doing things I enjoy, like baking, reading, and photography.
10) Never belittle each other.
"Do not do onto others, what you would not do onto yourselves." Respect each other as you would want people to respect you. Don't call each other degrading terms. Be encouraging. Be open to ideas, and push away any negative thoughts you have of each other. Support each other. Even if you think his ideas are not going to work, give it a try, because you never know!
With that said, love is always growing. And like every growth, you need to feed it. Keep on feeding the love, keep on feeling the LOVE.